A Brief Digression for Comedy

An important question.

Dispatches from a Desert Isle: Snakes

Understudies for Nagini

The island features many a reptile. So many, in fact, that I include only the snakes here.

Some look rather sweet and winsome:

Who's there?

Hello, sweetie!

Now you see her...

...now you don't.

But 'round these parts you also get an awful lot of rattlers...

Who, me?

Yeah, you. Don't shake that thing at me! 

Hey there, pretty people!

I'm just one little rattler, minding my own business

Doot, doot, dooo....



...with my big sister!!!

RAAAAAWR!
(I mean rattle.....)

And eventually you realize you haven't really seen side-eye...

Hey.

Back off, people.

Don't make me bite you...

I mean it. Get outta my face!!!

...until you've seen snake side-eye.

The snakes on the Isle are so big, I didn't recognize this one until it was too late!

OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO......

We're being eaten!!!!!

It claims to be a "bicycle/pedestrian overpass" but I say "Pshaw" to that.

I'm sticking to my story.

It totally ate me.

Apparently, rattling is all the rage in the desert. Some snakes really rattle (this is a Western Diamondback), but others, like the Sonoran Gopher Snake make fake rattling sounds, and even our old friend the Burrowing Owl makes a fake rattle-chirp.

What are we going to do about all these snakes? Make more, of course!
Cue: bonus snake origami tutorial (it really bites)!

A Brief Digression: Cat Cozies

We Love Cats!!!

So we need to make this—or maybe three of them:

Cat Teepee

Want to make it before I come home, or when I get back?

A Brief Digression: "Frozen" Coding

Hey, Frozen-Fans in the frozen Midwest,

I hab a code in by doze. 
(No, not really. What I mean is...)

Here's how to write computer code that makes a snowflake! I'm posting the introduction video below, but go here to complete the whole project.

You also might like the Geek Gurl Diaries YouTube channel which has another way to do the same coding... 

(you have to download a program but I can talk you through that or we can do it when I get home)

and also posts all kinds of related videos. 

Despite its "Gurl" name, it's plenty fun for boys too, so my son, 

you too can be a Geek Gurl Boy.

Dispatches from a Desert Isle: Cholla-go-go!!

No one expects the Jumping Cholla! 

Its chief weapon is surprise, fear and surprise; two chief weapons, fear, surprise, and ruthless efficiency! Er, among its chief weapons are: fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency, and near fanatical devotion to the Pope... 

No, I'll start again...

(lyrical, yet stately instrumental music plays as we pan across a magical landscape...)

Nestled between the majestic saguaros, the adorable hedgehog cactus, the commonly-known prickly-pear cactus, and the many other cacti of the Sonoran Desert—all pretty much minding their own business—

 dwells the fiendish 

"Jumping" Cholla! 

(Dun Daaaaaaah!)

You may stumble upon a lurking Cholla Forest when you least expect it, so suddenly that you may not have time to realize it has, in fact, found you! This devilish plant stalks its prey carefully before pouncing and devouring you with its spines, pulling you ever closer to its large beaked mouth that lies between the many tentacles of its lethal spines...

No, still too silly!

So, there are actually several types of cholla (CHOY-uh), but they are all members of the genus Cylindropuntia (which means they have cylindrical stems, not flat ones, like the prickly pear). 





The "true" jumping cholla is the hanging chain cholla ----->



 ...but none of them actually jump, exactly. 

(More about that in a minute.)

All chollas will aggressively try to hitchhike on your skin or clothes (ouch!), 

so I am just going to talk about my favorite cholla... the Teddy bear Cholla!

   Very fuzzy and cute!!

Just like a bedful of teddies. Awww...

Wait, are those things getting closer?

The Teddy Bear Cholla's scientific name is Cylindropuntia bigelovii, 

which translates to Bigelow's Round Stem, but come on, people, you know you'd pronounce that second part "Big Lovey," right?

That up there's a garden of Big Lovey Teddy Bears.

It sounds so cuddly!

So, what makes these things so feared, anyway? 

It's not like they're poisonous or anything...

Well, no, but let's take a close-up look at those spines:

Just a little closer...

"Spine2" by Nebarnix - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Spine2.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Spine2.jpg

Still closer...

That's close enough!

Yikes! Those things have backward barbs! It's a miracle anyone ever gets them out!

And as if that's not bad enough, chollas don't only have spines‚ they also have glochids, tiny, fine prickles that are hard to see and even harder to get out. You guessed it—they have backwards barbs too. Yeah. 

Pro Tip: 

spread Elmer's glue over them, top with gauze, leave for 30 mins, then rip off gauze

Lots o' glochids next to just a few spines

Here's more on Chollas, the myth of their mobility, and what to do about them...

...here's a famous actor who encounters them while trying to be a smarty-pants adventurer...

...and here's what we call a flat-out disaster. Oh, the Humanity!

Don't be this guy.

There are a few animals that appreciate the cholla for the protection it offers them against predators. For example, the Cactus Wren (Arizona's state bird) makes its nest deep within this prickly hideaway...

 

But my advice for you, my little Living Room Wrens, is to simply turn your back and 

RUN AWAY!!!!!

Even the mighty Desert-Serpent flees the wily Cholla.

Dispatches from a Desert Isle: Saguaro-rama!!

Among all the mysteries of this island, there is one constant—

CACTI

All around the pirate compound they can be found:
Tall cacti, small cacti,

cacti posing with animals that look like it,

cacti that look like cushions,


cacti that ARE cushions,



and chairs,



and sofas...

(Okay, that last one isn't real)

But everywhere you look, there are cacti.

as far as the eye can see,

there are millions, and billions, 

and trillions of cacti...

(also some very pretty mountains)

and as close as you're willing to look

Close...

...closer...

...Ouch!

Most of these prickly plants are Saguaro cacti, considered by the local Tohono O'odham to be a sort of People of the Desert, or at least respected members of their tribe. They believed the saguaros walked around at night.

The legend says that the first saguaro began life as a human baby who was abandoned by its mother, who never nursed her child. The infant, after following her in vain, finally sank into the earth and came up on a mountain slope as a giant cactus. >sob<

(The first Saguaro probably didn't look like this.)

Saguaros are thought to live for 200 or more years!!! 

They can grow to over 40 ft high 

They don't even grow their first arm until they are older than a whole human life! 

Wow.

You go, Saguaro.

Please note: if you were a Saguaro, you would be less than 1" tall right now.

Here are two I saw with arms that made me smile:

The droopy arm was caused by the weather getting too cold for the cactus at some point. 

By the way, check out that baby in the foreground. Probably a mere 50 years old.

Saguaros don't bloom until they are almost 70 years old.

That's almost as old as your grandparents.

When they do bloom, the flowers last only

one day and night, giving both day and nighttime creatures a chance to pollinate them.

 

Saguaros also give fruit.

How many animals do you think eat the fruit? (Answer in a link below.)

Saguaros support lots of desert life—

run your mouse over things on these pages to learn more about 

the plants and animals that rely on them:

Saguaros in the Daytime

Saguaros in the Nighttime

But Mommy, what happens when Saguaros die?

Are they called ghost cacti? No...

...but what's left is called a cactus skeleton. Saguaro skeletons look like this:

 Get a load of its face closer up!

SPOOOOOOOKY!!!

(Actually that "face" is called a "boot"—it's the spot that used to house an animal.)

Sometimes....

an animal that doesn't live in a cactus will find itself there anyway, 

because it is being chased by something bigger:

Holy prickly butt, Cat Woman!!! Glad they got down safely.

So, to sum up...

A cactus is not an animal, 

but animals use it.

A cactus is not a food

but you can eat some parts of it.

A cactus is not a huggable friend, 

 but you can love it from a distance.

A desert cactus should not be carried away from its desert home

except in your pictures....

...and the plural of cactus is cacti,

but you get to choose whether you want to focus on the singular or plural.

I love you, my little KCacti!