A Brief Digression: Half-Birthday Edition

Happy Half-Birthday to Yous, Happy Half-Birthday to Yous,

Happy Half-Birthday Dear Coos, 

Happy Half-Birthday toooooooo Yoooooooous!!

Just in case you don't remember, this is what you looked like just after you were born.

Being born is exhausting.

Here's the first moment I held P:

and an approximation of the first look I saw on I's face:

"Something is rotten in the state of Oakland."

Here's P looking just like Wally Shawn:

Inconceivable! I can't tell them apart!

And here he is milk-drunk:

Can't... keep... eyes... open...

Wally Shawn would NEVER get milk-drunk.

and I the day you came home from the hospital:

and here you two are, looking like baby rappers in your nest:

Yes, those are the doll-sized hats I still have in my drawer. 
And yes, they were too big for you then.

Here are a few early pictures with your loved ones...

 

Flappy and Grumpipuss

This is called "imprinting"—babies memorizing faces by staring intently. 
It's totally charming.

Proof I always liked to arch her back.

You did it. You exhausted him.

Maybe you did know yet how much you loved Emily. BTW, that doll in her arms has your same name. 
She got twin dolls and named them after you two before you were born.

And of course, each other. Here's I suckling P's head.

And this is what you looked like lo around your first 1/2 birthday. Cuties!

 

Here's how I liked to sleep—curled back and butt in the air:

and what P liked to do with his spare time.




















And of course you loved to read, even then:

Here you are with cousins at Grandma's house

in shirts sent by David. Thanks, David!

Here you are at your first play, Twelfth Night (the one we just saw with the twins in it)

At intermission, I put her hat over her face and took a nap. 

And then there's this one from your first Christmas just because it's so stinkin' cute.

My little Muppet! 

I love you little monkeys! 

Hope you have a great half-birthday weekend. Enjoy your Orange Crush cake!

A Long Digression: A Very Serious Post about Poop

Here it is, the post you've all been waiting for, a veritable

Poop-A-Go-Go

(For my young audience out there, never let it be said I did not pander to your interests.)

Hello my little Poopsies!

Let's start with a couple little bedtime stories that you already know:

Everybody Poops

by Taro Gomi

(translated by Amanda Mayer Stinchecum)

and our old favorite: 

The Story of the Little Mole

who knew it was none of his business

by Werner Holzwarth

illustrated by Wolf Erlbruch

It's nice to have someone read to us once in awhile, isn't it?

Next, why don't you get to know your scat with this handy chart:

and these faux-caca models:

But what are drawings and models compared to the real poop?
See how much you can tell about what these animals ate by the look of their poops.

Black bear poop.

(Poached salmon? 

I love poached salmon.)

More bear poop. 
This one obviously ate something totally different. A pumpkin?

Oh dear.

This one was listed as "Bigfoot Poop," but I'm pretty sure it's bear dung too. Don't want to guess what it ate.

Sheesh, bear!

Excuuuuuuuuuuuuse you!

Elephants' poop is really, really big.

Way bigger than bears' dung.

I can totally stack my poop. Can you?

You probably remember 

wombat poop is cubical,

which makes it weirdly interesting.

and of course there's the infamous owl pellet, full of bones:

Most people think—don't touch poop.

But not everyone feels that way. 

Like the lowly dung beetle.

True Fact.


Then there are these 
cuddly things.
(Oh, cuties!)

The disgusting fact is that chinchillas
(and rabbits)
eat their own poop.

Ew.












Turns out there's a reason
(not that it makes it any less gross)



As if that's not bad enough, some folks eat other folks' poop, and only they know why...

...and they're not telling.

Musical interlude:
Poop! Dung dung dung... what is it GOOD FOR? 
(Absolutely everything!)

You probably know lots of people use poop for fertilizer... 

but you may not know how else they use it.

Some people burn poop 
(usually cow "patties") for fuel...

...some make houses of poop...










...or just pose by it.

I dunno. I guess that could just be mud.

Others make art from it...


(Hey, Poopy Monkey!)
























...or art that looks like it.

Wow. That artwork really, really stinks.

There's also poop fashion...















and cuddly stuffed poop toys

But that's not all...

Civets eat coffee berries and poop them out, and then people make coffee out of it!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?

Yeah, I'm totally gonna go brew this up.

That poop-coffee is extra-expensive too!

Some poop is really valuable though...

This is whale poop, 

also known as Ambergris...

(people used to pretend it was whale vomit instead—not much better)

It's used to make perfume!

This is dried whale poop—apparently it's "waxy"...

I'll just take their word for that.

and this is the 8-year-old 
who found some dried whale poop 
and what happened to him...















So the next time you find something really nasty on the beach, please bring it home.
I'm serious.

You won't be surprised to find out some people get really excited about petrified and/or fossilized poop...

...but sometimes poop turns out not to be poop after all.

Ceci n'est pas un caca.

I guess that person was the butt of someone's joke. Ha ha ha!

Well, I've about reached the end of my poop knowledge now. 
Some may say this post really stinks, but I don't give a fart for their opinion—only yours—so let me know what you think.

Bonus educational experience:

(Apprendrez-vous les mots pour le caca, s.v.p., et déclarez de nouveau à moi):

and last but not least...
the real life version of Le Petit Taupe.

Bad Kitty!